As part of my Mother’s Day gift, I received the below sheet tucked inside a handmade card from my 4-year-old. Let’s explore his answers.
1. My mom is 13 years old.
(False)
So he’s 4 and clearly has no concept of age. And if the above answer isn’t enough evidence of that, since he turned 4 just two months ago, he’s woken up every morning since to ask if he’s 5 yet. When I opened my card this morning and read this answer out loud, my 8-year-old burst into laughter, to which Colin replied, “Are you 13 years old, mommy?!” “No,” I said. Colin sort of shook his head, looking incredulous. “Well you didn’t tell me how old you are. So I didn’t know!”
I could have explained to him that if I was currently 13 years old that would have made me 9 when he was born, and 9 is just about the same age as your older brother, Colin, and you see, to have a baby when you are still in elementary school, well, it’s just not possible. (Why?) Well, a girl just can’t have a baby when she’s that young. (Why?) You have to be older to have a baby. (Why?) A girl’s body usually isn’t ready to have a baby at 9 and you have to…and you can see why I wouldn’t start that conversation at the breakfast table before I’d finished my first cup of coffee. So I just said, “Close enough, buddy.”
2. My Mom’s favorite color is blue.
(Neutral)
Eh. I like blue, but I wouldn’t necessarily call it my favorite color. But I’ll let this one go. In the grand scheme of things, misrepresenting my favorite color really won’t make or break things.
3. My mom’s favorite food is meatloaf.
(False)
Well, I do enjoy a good meatloaf every now and then. But no, Colin, meatloaf is not my favorite food. When you picture a woman who says meatloaf is her favorite food, do you not think of one of the following: 1. an old lady who goes to the Country Buffet on Sunday afternoons, 2. a stout female wearing a “Where’s the beef?” t-shirt that’s just a little too tight around the midsection or 3. Paula Deen?
4. My mom cooks the best grilled cheese.
(True)
So, this sentence brings up a whole lot of mixed emotions. I am humbled by the fact that Colin believes I make the best grilled cheese sandwiches. Truly, I am. Especially because he does so love the kids grilled cheeses at Panera. However, I generally pride myself on making things that are slightly more complicated. And I sometimes wish my kids would recognize, yo. But of course my kids rarely touch any meal made with more than 2 ingredients (grilled cheese, mac and cheese, pasta and red sauce…you get the idea) so I am destined to be renowned for my grilled cheeses and looked down upon by moms whose kids eat tilapia, beets and Brussels sprouts.
5. My mom’s job is to play with me.
(Hmmm.)
There is so much I could say about this. But who needs to read yet another mom blogger listing all of the things she does during the course of the day. So yes, Colin, I say, that is basically my job. To make sure you are thoroughly entertained 24/7.
6. My mom and I like to play Candy Land.
(False. I prefer Chutes & Ladders)
Well, this makes me feel like a real arse because Colin and I haven’t played Candy Land in weeks. In fact we’ve been so busy, we’ve hardly even looked at any board games in recent days.
And so when I read this, my mind starts wandering and I begin to fear that his little 4-year-old subconscious is trying to mock and scold me and expose his resentment of my recent non-game-playing. I immediately make a mental note to play 100 games of Candy Land this week. (Mommy guilt.)
7. I love my mom because she reads to me.
(True)
This is totally true. I do read to him. Especially in the afternoons when I am so tired already that I want him to lie in bed and potentially fall asleep. But honestly, reading to my kids is one of my favorite things, because it’s one of the few activities during which I actually feel relaxed and in the moment. And I think the kids can sense this, which is why we read together often.
Happy Mother’s Day!
