So you think you’re the shittiest mom in the world

To all my fellow moms who sometimes feel like the shittiest parents in the world:

Stop.

You’re good enough. You’re smart enough. And Goddammit, your kids love you.

Okay so maybe not as much as the mom wearing her see-through lululemon yoga pants and studying Pinterest until the wee hours for this year’s most adorably impossible way to craft THE perfect Easter basket. (Hint: it involves some up-cycled doodads, a glue gun, organic fabric, six hours of free time and at least two Target bags filled with plastic crap and candy.)

But still, you’re not so bad.

Your kids at least like you.

Appreciate you?

Respect you?

Talk to you as you pass them on the way to the bathroom?

It’s not as bad as all that here, but the past week or so I have felt like a pretty shitty mom, just not on top of my game. It might have to do with me being sick, exhausted and incredibly grouchy. Or it’s the fact that I’ve served frozen chicken for dinner more times than I’d like to admit in the last seven days. The truth is, it’s pretty easy for me to lose confidence in my parenting abilities during any given week nowadays. And it’s even easier for me to dwell on all of the things I think I’ve done wrong or at what I’ve come to believe is at a subpar standard. Usually it doesn’t take much to send me into a tailspin of temporary, but extreme mom-guilt. This week, it’s frozen chicken. Next week it could be a forgotten library book. Shoddy  hygiene. Or frozen chicken. Again.

But the absolute worst is not keeping my temper in check. Yelling at my kids can make me feel guilty for days, especially if it’s right before school. (But really? 15 minutes to change out of pajamas? Ain’t nobody got time for that!) Walking to the bus stop angry. Kissing my son’s tear-stained cheek right before he climbs on the school bus. Seeing his sad face in the window as it drives away. It’s enough to make me want to go home and write a script for a Hallmark Movie.

But sometimes parenting is just so. damn. exhausting. And we’re only human. And humans – most of us anyway – have breaking points. And if anything or anyone can break you, it’s kids. Oh, and other moms. With constant updates of all the great things everybody else is doing for their kids via Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest, our collective notion of the pinnacles of motherhood are evolving to fit a new set of unrealistic and somewhat skewed priorities. Making things bigger. better. Giving more. Doing more. Being more. And then, letting everyone know about it as soon as you can get to a phone, ipad or computer. Motherhood has always been competitive, but suddenly, the competition is on a stage that we can’t escape even in our own homes. And it’s overwhelming, frustrating and frankly, a bit annoying.

Whatever your tipping point may be, when we lose it or feel incompetent – whether real or perceived – all we can do is move on and make the next day a better one, or at least try to be a little easier on ourselves.

• So you yelled at your kid today. He’ll survive. (Or tell his teacher you’re the absolute worst mom in the world. But still, he’ll survive.) And most likely he’ll get off the school bus at the end of the day like nothing ever happened. Kids have horrible memories for a reason.
• You served frozen chicken for dinner. Again. Well at least you fed them.
• The children watched three hours of television so you could organize your linen closet. They’ll be okay. (As long as it wasn’t Caillou. Anything but Caillou.)
• For lunch your child ate white bread, non-organic cheese crackers and drank three juice boxes. They will still grow up healthy and strong.

The point is that we don’t screw up our kids nearly as much as we think we do. We can’t be perfect. And despite what you may have read or heard, no one can. And besides, perfection is so boring.

Mom 1: Hey, how are you?

Mom 2: Perfect. Just perfect. You?

Mom 1:Yup. Perfect too.

Mom 2: How’s Johnny doing in school?

Mom 1: Perfect. Teddie?

Mom 2: Perfect.

(If you hear a conversation like this at the playground, run. Run as fast as you can.)

While it’s so easy for me to take note or write about all of the things I’ve done wrong as a mom, I usually pay little attention to the things I’ve done right or really well. Self-depracation is much more socially acceptable, makes for better conversation and, most importantly, is much less off-putting than mommy-bragging. Nevertheless, I’m going to try a little experiment. And I think you should too. When you’re feeling a build-up of parental inadequacies, wallow in them for a bit if you wish, but then think about all the great stuff you do for your kids, big and small, or all the ways you don’t screw up. Sit with those things in your head for a minute, or write them down. Visit them often as a reminder that you are doing one of the hardest and most important jobs in the world.