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Posts Tagged ‘Summer vacation’

  1. A Modern Day Julie McCoy

    August 7, 2013 by admin

    Welcome aboard, you little shits. What can I do for you now?

    JulieMcCoy

    I’m sure Julie McCoy, cruise director of the Love Boat, never spoke to her passengers like that. (She probably would have been thrown overboard by Captain Stubing.) But she only had to entertain an entire cruise ship. I am the point person for occupying an 8, 4 and almost 2-year-old for the entire summer.

    But seriously, us SAHMs (and dads) are totally the modern day Julie McCoys, trading the navy suit with white piping and clipboard for yoga pants (or, in my case, sweatpants) and smartphones. We make sure all the passengers aboard our boat – or Minivan or SUV or whatever it is you captain – are happy and satisfied with their entertainment. I find it completely exhausting. And, to be quite honest, a little over-the-top.

    At dinner, I’m already planning what we’ll do the next day and asking the kids – I’m asking the kids, for f*ck’s sake! – if it all sounds acceptable to them. I was thinking of going to the beach tomorrow. Is that all right with you, sirs? You won’t have to do a thing. Not a thing! I’ll take care of it all. I know the basket of beach toys is sooooooo heavy. I’ll carry everything, including the 25-pound 2-year-old in the Kelty on my back. I’ll put on your sunscreen and pack a nice lunch. And after, we could stop for ice cream. Does that sound good? And then when we’re ALL good and tired and have sand stuck in places where it won’t come out for days, I’m going to carry everything back to the car while you whine and complain that you’re hot and hungry. And then when we get home, YOU can relax with a movie while I do the chores, try and fit in some work and start dinner. How does that sound? Good? Good. 

    Then, I go to bed making a mental list of all of the crap I need to pack for our outing and setting my alarm for some ungodly hour so I can be sure everything is in order before we leave. Because all hell will break loose if I forget the goddamn Goldfish crackers.

    Now I know what some of you are thinking. How could you say such things? Being a SAHM is the most wonderful thing in the world. It’s a gift. 

    And I know this. Really. I do. And I am grateful and blessed that I can stay home with my children – who I love unconditionally. Honest. I do. That’s why I had three – and spend my summer entertaining their every childhood whim.

    The truth is, I really don’t mind being the family’s Julie McCoy. (I know you think I’m lying, by the way.) I mean, I could be stuck in an office studying spreadsheets. But instead, I get to see the little people that mean everything in the world to me enjoy themselves and make memories. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t get to me sometimes. That doesn’t mean it’s not completely exhausting and totally overwhelming.

    And at least Julie McCoy got paid for her troubles.

    I know. I know! My reward doesn’t come in monetary form. I know that it’s so much more than that. But when you’re in the thick of it, and you’re running yourself ragged doing everything humanly possible to make sure everyone is happy and having THE SUMMER OF THEIR LIVES, sometimes you have to remind yourself of that. And I guess I am. Right now.

    For the remainder of the summer, the days of which are dwindling faster than I’d like, I’m also going to remind myself that the kids’ happiest times are the times when I actually do the least amount of work, Squirting each other with squirt guns. Splashing together in the blowup pool. Playing a game of Bananagrams. Taking a walk through the park. These may not be the events that kids will write about in their What I Did Over Summer Vacation essays once seated at their desks back at school but they are the times when happy moments come easy and stress-free. And these are the ones I want to make sure we have more of before the start of school.

    I’m sure even Julie McCoy got pissed off at her passengers once in a while. (And, by the way, I am totally being her for Halloween now.) But for my sanity – and for my kids’ – I have to stop playing Julie McCoy once in a while. I’m not a cruise director. I don’t even want to play one on TV.

    I want to leave you with a scenario to ponder. What if Julie McCoy, cruise director extraordinaire, jumped ship and rowed ashore on a lifeboat one day, leaving her passengers to their own devices. What if she threw in her navy suit and clipboard and syrupy sweet smile and said F-U, I’m not doing it anymore. Find your own f-ing fun. What then? Would her passengers turn into a boatful of lifeless a-holes, floundering in their own boredom? Or would they rally and find their own fun?

    I hope it’s the latter, because THIS Julie McCoy plans to row ashore, at least a couple of times this summer.

    Category Family Life | Tags: ,,,, | 3 Comments

  2. The 3:30PM Text

    July 23, 2013 by admin

    Everyday around 3:30pm, my husband texts me from work.

    “Everyone doing ok?”

    It’s a simple enough question, but with very complex undertones.

    What he’s really asking with those three little words are a variety of questions, the answers to which will determine how he should prepare himself on his commute home from Boston. Should he armor up for battle? Or will he be plastered with kisses and hugs? Will I give him the cold shoulder or tell him about my wonderful day with our 3 little cherubs?

    The simple fact is that the question: “Everyone doing ok?” really is code for one – but usually more – of the following:

    • Have the kids behaved like human beings? 
    • Did you drink enough coffee to sustain yourself through the afternoon?
    • Did anyone require a trip to the emergency room?
    • Will I be able to actually open the front door or will it be barricaded with shoes, crafts, legos and various other toys?
    • Will there be any dinner or will we be having cold cereal?
    • Was anyone’s head bashed into the wall?
    • Were you able to converse with any other adults today?
    • Did you leave the house?
    • Did anything in the house fall apart, fall off, or break down?
    • Should I look at, hug, kiss or otherwise acknowledge you when I walk through the door or should I proceed directly to the kids?
    • Have you googled “giving kids up for adoption?”

    The honest truth is that the majority of our days are good, or at least they start out that way. But by the time 6:30pm rolls around, I have to admit, I have pretty much had it (especially during summer break), and am looking for some relief.

    Here was today’s response to the 3:30pm text:

    Husband: Everyone doing ok?

    Me: Ok. It has rained all day. Tried to nap with the boys, a no go of course. The wood stove pipe leaked and there was a random puddle of water on the floor in the basement. Col slammed the doorknob-less door and got stuck in his room for 1/2 hour while I rescued him. The boys are still in their underwear. Just a regular day.

     

    Category Family Life, Living With Boys | Tags: ,, | No Comments

  3. The Summertime Roller Coaster

    July 9, 2013 by admin

    This morning, as my two boys were sitting nicely at the table drawing and creating and complimenting each other on their works of art, I looked at them with eyes all loving and misty, and said, “I sure am going to miss you guys when you go back to school. I like having you both home all day.”

    Aria, age 1.5, was in her high chair eating some dried Apple Jacks – well, Apple Dapples, the Market Basket version of Apple Jacks – looking all cute with her headful of messy curls. I didn’t even mind that most of them were on the floor. It was nearly like a picture print by Currier & Ives: summertime version.

    That was 9am.

    Flash forward 5 hours.

    It’s now 2pm and both boys have had separate playdates – one home, one away – and have eaten lunch. I’ve cleaned up the mess of toys and a table full of dishes and half-eaten cheese sandwiches and squished blueberries off the floor. The baby is napping, so I agree to let them play some Wii and decide to sit down so I can get some writing done. I set up the Wii and leave the room and at the exact moment my butt hits the chair and I open my laptop, there is a problem with the Wii. Problem solved, I sit back down. Immediately after, bickering ensues. My 4-year-old is screaming at my 8-year-old who is screaming for me. WTF. I stomp into the family room, wielding a silent fury that seems a tad too extreme for the situation. In the background, some a-hole is running a chainsaw.

    Suddenly that picture print by Currier & Ives is looking more like Munch’s The Scream. 

    I want school to start. Now. I don’t care that we’ve only been out since June 25. I don’t care that most of the summer lies ahead of us in all its unbridled freedom. We’ve already been on our vacation to Maine, where we spent 7 glorious days kayaking, fishing, hiking, rockhounding, swimming and just having some old-fashioned fun with good friends, good food and good wine. The kids have had some playdates. They’ve enjoyed their fair share of sun. Bring on 3rd grade and pre-K. What time is bus pick-up?

    But wait. What is that I hear? Talking. In normal voices! Not screaming, at least not at each other. The boys are conversing nicely and complimenting each other on their Wii playing. They are working together to to conquer Mario’s enemies and collect Power Stars. They are cheering in unison. How wonderful, the brotherly love! I sure am glad it’s summer vacation.

    Until I’m not.

    Category Family Life, Living With Boys | Tags: ,, | 1 Comment